Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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