Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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