I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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