11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
