don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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