I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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