We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize