Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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