Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
