my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if only i could text you this smell
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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