Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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