At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
