yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Plan B is the new Plan A
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
