Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
