Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
