Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
