I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
