We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
