Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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