can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
