I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
