i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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