coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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