I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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