After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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