dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
