if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
