great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
