Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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