is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
