Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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