My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
