just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
