if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
