If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
