I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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