so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
