Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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