Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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