You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
