You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
