omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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