i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
