She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
