Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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