whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
