what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize