Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
