all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
