I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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