I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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