I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
