You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
