I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
