Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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