Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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