she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He felt like a one man threesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
