You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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