Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
