I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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