I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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