Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
