Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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