I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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