My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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