Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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