I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
