Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize