Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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