I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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