I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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