Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
